I think one of the side effects of experiencing a cancer diagnosis is having to deal with uncertainty. Cancer.Net has a useful article discussing the issue. I've always been something of a chicken little personality type who thinks the sky is falling but cancer has made it worse.
Recently, I had an abnormal lab which might indicate kidney disease (as if cancer wasn't enough)! But I have to wait and repeat the test in a couple of months.
So...I get to live with uncertainty. My husband and I had scheduled a vacation in the spring and part of me wanted to postpone it. But I figure even if I had kidney disease I could still travel so we're going.
I think that this is a situation where I need to let it go and keep working my program. I guess I'll have to trust God that no matter how things turn out, it's going to be okay. I also try to keep my prayer program going so that I can stay connected and not get caught up in emotional wheel spinning. I guess that's why I pray: sometimes God changes my perspective. Prayer helps me stop seeing myself as the center of the universe and it helps me detach from my emotions. I don't want to live my life reacting to things all the time. I want my life to be more about the good things in life (family, service, fun) and less about the agonies of my medical problems. I don't want my lousy health to dominate my life. By choosing to get on with my life despite my health challenges, I feel empowered and free. I'm making a conscious decision to decide that life is worth living.
Recently I began a Project Life album. I've decided to get on with it. I've truly got a lot to be grateful for and I intend to show it in my scrapbook. Creating these pages forces me to examine my life and look for the good things. I've already created two layouts about Christmas and It was a lot of fun.
I suppose that's the trick to living with uncertainty: simply getting on with life and enjoying it.
