I spent a good part of this week in a state of anger and frustration since I shouldn't be having this problem. I work out religiously at least four times a week and I'm a major source of income for the diary industry with all the milk, cheese, and yogurt I consume. And lets not the forgot all the calcium supplements I've been taking.
I'm starting to realize that when it comes to cancer there's always something new happening and I'm fooling myself if I think I'm getting back to "normal." I don't think so. I need to realize that my life will never be same.
I also need to realize that I'm not in charge. God sends me these little trials for a reason whether I understand it or like it. Pitching a fit and flailing around like a bucking bronco are not useful strategies. I'd like to share a quote from Divine Intimacy, a Carmelite meditation book which provides a helpful approach to difficult times like this:
If we are disturbed and upset by trials, it means that we lack faith. Even when God conceals Himself, when everything seems to fail us and we feel terribly alone, we can be absolutely certain that God will never abandon us if we do not first abandon Him. Instead of becoming bitter or falling into despair, it is the moment to intensify our faith, to make strong acts of faith. St Therese of the Child Jesus used to say,"I count on Him. Suffering may go to its limit, but I am sure he will never abandon me." (p.177)So I may not like my present situation but I'm trying to accept the fact that this is God's will for me.
