Some Good Advice

I'll be adding another link to my Exercise page. I found an article on exercise safety at Breastcancer.org that provides excellent advice for breast cancer patients. It discusses the issue of lymphedema and provides info on preventing it. There's also a list of risky activities. It's short and sweet but covers a lot.

A New Guardian Angel

I've been inactive for a while because I've been processing a difficult year. Sometimes I just need to hibernate.

I've been hit with two new diagnoses.  Neither one is life threatening but I've had a hard time dealing with my new eye condition, posterior vitreous detachment. It occurs when the jelly in the eye (vitreous) detaches from the back wall of the eye. It's not going to make me blind. But one of the complications is retinal detachment or tearing which if left untreated can cause vision loss. When I first went to the ophthalmologist I was placed on an activity restriction which forced me to quit my volunteer job at a local pre-school program. (lots of running and jumping). It was a real let down for me.

At one of my follow-ups I inquired about what to do if I had symptoms of retinal tearing, etc. How much time do I have before there's permanent damage?

According to the Nurse, I've 24-48 hours or I could lose my sight. This put me in a real good mood. 

Then I found out that my current cancer medication could damage my retina so I decided to see my oncologist to inquire about switching to a different one. It turns out her husband has PVD and when he had retinal detachment symptoms, he waited too long. He now has a partial loss of vision.
This put me into hysteria mode.

I wasn't a happy camper. I vacillated between anxiously analyzing my visions symptoms to ranting at God. Intellectually I knew I was overreacting but I have a flair for the dramatic. My father had this condition and he never went blind. The nurse at my eye doctor had the condition and she seemed okay. But I couldn't accept it.

You'd think after being diagnosed with cancer, a simple eye condition would be no big deal. But I guess the thought of potential blindness just totally unsettled me.

So God sent me a mentor to guide me through this transition. Who did he send?

My pet bird Polly !

Yes, the Lord moves in mysterious ways and he can even use a pet bird to teach one of his followers a lesson.
As it turns out my lovebird went blind this year. She's hand tame and comes out of her cage to socialize. She'll eat out of my hand, bathe in the sink, and explore all over the house.
But this winter she started changing.

I Believe

Today is a difficult day for me. I just found out a fellow cancer traveler died. I'm glad that she was went to the Lord on Our Lady's Saturday but it's a shame. She had been in remission for a number of years but it came back. She was a wonderful person. It's a reminder to me not to take anything for granted. Every new day is a precious gift. I know that sounds corny but it's true.
I'm also dealing with a new medication change. I won't get into the boring details of how or why but right now my joints are aching (a side effect) and I can't wait to get to the five year mark and be done with all of this.
I realize it's time to surrender AGAIN. It's an ongoing process that I'll be doing for the rest of my life. I also realize that if my head believes it my heart will follow. Surrender isn't an emotional thing, it's an intellectual assent and a conscious decision to buy into God's plan. This may seem really obvious to everybody but I need to remind myself.
So.....I surrender God!! I Believe there's a purpose to my life!!
Here's a music video that I think sums it all up nicely:

A New Resource

I found a great new book for use in prayer and meditation. It's called Manual for Spriritual Warfare by Paul Thigpen. It's available at Amazon and Tan Books.
Despite the rather scary title it's really very helpful. Approaching the spiritual life as a battle and providing the tools for combat, the book can help when struggling in prayer or with life's stresses. Some of the topics covered include:

• Scriptures for the Battle
• Help from the saints
• Prayers, Devotions, and Hymns for the Battle

Here's a quote from the book  on suffering from St. Louis de Montfort:

God Watches His Soldiers With Satisfaction

If you're to have the right approach to suffering, you must form the devout habit of thinking about the eye of God. What I mean is this: God is like a great King, who from the height of a tower observes with satisfaction his soldier in the midst of the battle, praising his courage.
What is it on earth that attracts God's attention? Is it kings and emperors on their thrones? No; he often looks at them with nothing but contempt. Is his attention focused on the brilliant victories of a nation's armies? On precious stones? On any such things that are great in the sight of men? No: "What is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of the Lord"(see Luke 15:16)

What then does God look upon with pleasure and delight? .....It's about the one who's fighting for him against riches, against the world, against hell, even against himself; the one who's cheerfully carrying his cross.  

 

 

I'm Not Alone

I just read a post over at the blog, Science Based Medicine. It's a site run by medical professionals whose goal is to "explore issues and controversies in the relationship between science and medicine."  They are one of the few places where there is a rational and objective discussion about the use of alternative therapies. Here's a qoute from the About page explaining their approach:

Online information about alternative medicine is overwhelmingly creduolous and uncritical, and even mainstream media and some medical schools have bought into the hype and failed to ask the hard questions. 

We provide a much needed "alternative" perspective---the scientific perspective.

Science Based Medicine takes aim at a lot of the so-called treatments like Reiki, Yoga, and accupuncture.
 The post, written by a Cancer patient entitled The Harm of Integrative Medicine: A Patient's Perspective, provides a look at the impact of all this experimentation. It's wonderful to hear somebody else voice my concerns. He discusses the feelings of being scamed and conned by his healthcare providers:

....all CAM therapies seemed disconcertingly like medical advice given by Dr Oz to me and as a result felt the need to do a little digging. Though fortunately I was able to recognize the faulty science by consulting medical textbooks and journals, I understand that most people are unabe to do that, which is how they are lured in. Despite discovering the truth, I am still left with the nagging feeling that I was misled and/or lied to by a hospital and medical professionals, which is something that no one should ever have to feel or be concerned about when ill. 

 AMEN!!!! THANK YOU!! It's great to finally hear a voice for the patient. The post is outstanding and covers a lot of important facts which include:

• Many people will forgo traditional treatment and use CAM instead which will lead to their death (he cites actual examples)
• Alternative medicine is costly and can create an unnecessary burden on struggling Cancer patients
• Some of these modalties can actually harm patients (acupuncture increases the risk of infection)

He also discusses the almost coercive and sacrosanct atmosphere surrounding the CAM field.  People tend to think because it's Eastern and "ancient" that it's somehow better.     You know it!!!
I strongly recommend any concerned Cancer patient and/or their loved ones to read this post before considering alternative modalties. It's written by somebody who has been there and has also done his homework. It's well worth reading.
Thank you Jesse Luke!!!

I'm Back Again

I'm back after a very long hiatus. This last year was a very difficult one for me. My son was in an accident and nothing can change your perspective on things than a crisis with a child. He's okay now. But your perspective can change very quickly when you are visiting your son in the ICU. He's made a full recovery and is successfully started a new job but I definitely don't want to go through that again. 

However, I did gain something from the experience. I suddenly realized that I'm not as helpless as I thought and I even conquered my fear of flying. 

No..I'm not afraid of going in airplanes but I was fearful about getting lymphedema in my affected arm. This is a big issue for breast cancer survivors but luckily it didn't happen to me. Most importantly, I was challenged in ways I never could have dreamed of.  Here's some examples:

• flew across country to the West Coast on a minutes notice at 3AM
• slept on the floor of my son's apt for 6 weeks (an efficiency)
• drove through rush hour traffic in downtown Portland Oregon (google maps can't even handle it)
• thwarted an attempted break-in to my son's apt by a crazed druggie
• navigated the Dallas-Fort Worth airport alone (it's got multiple terminals!)

I went through my own personal version of the TV series Survivor and I made it. As unpleasant as this episode was, I realized that I'm not as fragile as I thought. My cancer diagnosis may have slowed me down but I'm still me. 

I'm going to start posting again on some new resources I've found. I'll also provide an update on the issue of Yoga in the medical world. Sadly, it continues to become more prevalent. So.. stay tuned

A Vocation of Love

There are days when I struggle with feeling useless. My kids are grown and since my diagnosis I've had to face the fact that I'm not launching any grand careers. Although I do volunteer work and try to be a support for others, part of me feels like I missed the boat. I battled this issue when I was a stay-at-home mom with small children and it was easily conquered whenever a flu bug hit home or my kids needed help with an art project.

But now as an empty-nester it's harder to get my usefulness fix. Add to that the frequent image of the cancer survivor as some sort of superhero who's better than ever!! They run marathons, start businesses, and create non-profits. I started getting sucked into that mentality when I hit the first year mark. As part of my celebration my husband and I hiked 5 miles on a local state park trail. After that I decided to join a local hiking group and train to participate in 10-14 mile hikes and maybe even join their group that was preparing to hike the 2,000 mile Appalachian Trail!!

I don't think so...

I ended up seriously injuring my knee and quitting the group. I came to realize that more is not always better. But I felt like I had to keep up. I ended up revamping my workout program and I'm working out less but more often. My body is grateful.

Well, I recently found an antidote to my need to be important. It's a book entitled, The Way of Trust and Love  by Jacques Philippe. It provides a wonderful explanation of St. Therese of Lisieux's little way. As it turns out she also was afflicted with a dissatisfaction in her state in life:

Therese explains that although she knew her vocation....and was very happy in it,nevertheless she had a certain sense of dissatisfaction. So ardent were her desires to love our Lord and serve the Church that she would have liked to have all the vocations there are---just one wasn't enough for her!! She would like to be a priest to celebrate Mass,...a preacher...a missionary..and even a Papal Zouave to defend the Pope! (p.57)

So what was her answer?