A New Resource

I found a great new book for use in prayer and meditation. It's called Manual for Spriritual Warfare by Paul Thigpen. It's available at Amazon and Tan Books.
Despite the rather scary title it's really very helpful. Approaching the spiritual life as a battle and providing the tools for combat, the book can help when struggling in prayer or with life's stresses. Some of the topics covered include:

• Scriptures for the Battle
• Help from the saints
• Prayers, Devotions, and Hymns for the Battle

Here's a quote from the book  on suffering from St. Louis de Montfort:

God Watches His Soldiers With Satisfaction

If you're to have the right approach to suffering, you must form the devout habit of thinking about the eye of God. What I mean is this: God is like a great King, who from the height of a tower observes with satisfaction his soldier in the midst of the battle, praising his courage.
What is it on earth that attracts God's attention? Is it kings and emperors on their thrones? No; he often looks at them with nothing but contempt. Is his attention focused on the brilliant victories of a nation's armies? On precious stones? On any such things that are great in the sight of men? No: "What is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of the Lord"(see Luke 15:16)

What then does God look upon with pleasure and delight? .....It's about the one who's fighting for him against riches, against the world, against hell, even against himself; the one who's cheerfully carrying his cross.  

 

 

My Annual Ritual

Every year around this time I re-read one of my favorite books: He Leadeth Me by Walter Ciszek.  It's the story of a priest who spent twenty three years as a  prisoner in Soviet prisons and labor camps during the cold war. He was actually trained by the Vatican to serve in "Russian missions" but wound up in Poland during World War II. When the Red Army took over Poland Fr. Ciszek  wound up entering the Soviet Union. Disguised as a worker he accompanied Polish refugees with plans to serve as their pastor. Unfortunately, his true identity was discovered and he was arrested for being a "Vatican Spy."  First subjected to five years of Solitary confinement, he was then sentenced to fifteen years of hard labor in Siberia. Once released he lived as a Soviet citizen under constant surveillance until he was freed during a US/Soviet prisoner exchange. During this entire ordeal of starvation, brutal work conditions, and endless harassment (for being a priest) he still managed to maintain his faith in God and secretly provide many people the sacraments. He would often have to say mass in secret in the woods with a guard on watch. Prison officials would place him on the toughest details with the smallest rations simply because he was a priest. But through it all he never lost hope and was a beacon of light to all around him  This guy was a Saint.

So what does this have to do with surviving a cancer diagnosis?

Actually a lot. One of the most powerful messages of this book involves a simple truth: sanctity can be found by simply accepting everything that happens as the will of God. All that happens is ordained for our redemption and we need to accept it.

His will for us was the twenty-four hours of each day: the people, the places, the circumstances he set before us in that time. Those were the things God knew were important to him and to us at that moment, and those were the things upon which he wanted us to act, not out of any abstract principle or out of any subjective desire to "to do the will of God." No, these things, the twenty-four hours of this day, were his will; we had to learn to recognize his will in the reality of the situation and and to act accordingly. We had to learn to look at our lives, at everything that crossed our path each day, with the eyes of God; learning to see his estimate of things, places, and above all people, recognizing that he had a goal and a purpose in bringing us into contact with these things and these people, and striving always to do that will--his will--every hour of every day in the situations he had placed us. (Pg. 38)

There are days that I can't see the point of my life. I'll be dealing with some new medical issue or some really obnoxious person and all I can think is : are you kidding me?  But that's when I need to follow Father Ciszek's advice. It's the Little Flower's 'little way'" on steroids. All suffering has meaning and can lead us closer to God.

What I like about Father's book is the brutal, gritty environment in which he applied this philosophy. He found God in the interrogation room, work brigade, and miserable living conditions. Here's a short video about him:

                                                             

I'm Back!!

I've taken a hiatus from blogging. Like all cancer patients things frequently change and I'm no exception. First, my life got incredibly busy which was a good thing. But then in November I hit a wall and spiraled into an episode of depression. I was at my six month anniversary post surgery and everything hit me at once. I'm notorious for having a delayed reaction to trauma and that's what happened. Also, I injured my ankle while walking (I needed new shoes) and the lack of exercise made things worse. To make a long story short, I had a setback but now I"m okay.

What helped me out? Several activities made the difference:

1. Adoration-I made a holy hour at least once a week; sometimes twice
2. I discovered  art journaling
3. I gave presents to my doctor, physical therapist in gratitude for their care
4. Spent time with my kids, husband
5. Used a new Bible with commentary for my daily meditation
6. Led prayer at my Carmelite Community meeting even though I didn't want to
7. Praying the Extraordinary Form of the Mass
8. Getting back to walking 5 days a week
9. Recognizing that's it time to change my treatment medication

I realize now that healing takes time. My body may have been on the mend but my pysche needed to catch up. I'm slowly but surely getting there. It takes time to regroup after a serious diagnosis like cancer. 

This Christmas I'm grateful to be alive and able to cook a special meal for my family. Life is a gift and I intend to live it to the full.

The Healing Veil

Veils by Lily

I want to share about a very simple way that my faith tradition helped me heal. I'm talking about the good old fashioned chapel veil. During the last year I began attending the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. Wearing a veil is standard procedure for most women attending the Traditional Latin Mass so I naturally began to cover my head. Initially, I felt rather strange and it took me a while to get used to it.

But then I got breast cancer. That changed everything.

 Surgical treatment for this type of cancer can seriously impact a woman's body image. Even though I had a very supportive husband and family, I still felt traumatized on some level. I'm not obsessed with body image but I still struggled with my altered form.

But when I wear my veil I feel better. I feel whole again. I think it's because the veil is a reflection of my total self. My soul and my body are one; they are interconnected. I'm not a "ghost in a machine." My soul has gender and is still completely female despite my altered physique.

I think the veil is a beautiful celebration of motherhood and womanhood. In a society of gender neutral bathrooms and women in combat, the veil tells me it's okay to be a woman and mother. It also tells me that no matter what happens to my body, God still sees the whole woman in me.

Here's a great video about veiling:

                               

The Rosary & Pain

   

                                             

         I'd like to start things off by sharing my number one cancer coping mechanism: THE ROSARY. It's the one resource I go to when all else fails. Recently, I went through an experience that proves just how effective it is.
I was awake one night in serious pain due to an arthritis flare in my shoulder. I'd been seeing a Physical Therapist to deal with Lymphedema and other post-op complications and I'd overworked my shoulder. Around 2 AM the pain wasn't responding to heavy doses of Naproxen and I was getting desperate. Anxiety began to overwhelm me and I starting praying the Rosary. Within minutes a voice in my head said, "It's the compression garment!"

It was then that I realized why I was so miserable. I was wearing underarmour to treat my lymphedema and I suddenly saw the problem: inflamed joints and compression don't mix. I took the shirt off and immediately fell asleep. The pain began to subside and eventually go away.

The Blessed Mother never fails.