But now as an empty-nester it's harder to get my usefulness fix. Add to that the frequent image of the cancer survivor as some sort of superhero who's better than ever!! They run marathons, start businesses, and create non-profits. I started getting sucked into that mentality when I hit the first year mark. As part of my celebration my husband and I hiked 5 miles on a local state park trail. After that I decided to join a local hiking group and train to participate in 10-14 mile hikes and maybe even join their group that was preparing to hike the 2,000 mile Appalachian Trail!!
I don't think so...
I ended up seriously injuring my knee and quitting the group. I came to realize that more is not always better. But I felt like I had to keep up. I ended up revamping my workout program and I'm working out less but more often. My body is grateful.
Well, I recently found an antidote to my need to be important. It's a book entitled, The Way of Trust and Love by Jacques Philippe. It provides a wonderful explanation of St. Therese of Lisieux's little way. As it turns out she also was afflicted with a dissatisfaction in her state in life:
Therese explains that although she knew her vocation....and was very happy in it,nevertheless she had a certain sense of dissatisfaction. So ardent were her desires to love our Lord and serve the Church that she would have liked to have all the vocations there are---just one wasn't enough for her!! She would like to be a priest to celebrate Mass,...a preacher...a missionary..and even a Papal Zouave to defend the Pope! (p.57)
So what was her answer?
She turned to scripture in St. Paul's Letter to the Corinthians where it says, " If I have not love, I am nothing." This creates the foundation for her entire approach to life:
Her conclusion is that, in the mystical body of the Church, love lies at the basis of all vocations...If this burning love died out, there would be no more missionaries, no more preachers, no more martyrs...if I make every effort to love in my poor Carmelite convent at Lisieux, in this little corner of Normandy, if I do all I can to love and to do everything for love, I am, in a way, living out all the vocations. (p.59)She sums it up beautifully when she says:
The smallest movement of pure love is more useful to the Church than all other works put together. (P.59)
I always think of the ripple effect when a rock is thrown into a pond. Each little act I perform spreads out to others making the world a better place. Each individual choice to love and be present despite my situation changes me. I'd like to finish with this paragraph that speaks to illness:
When we are sick or old, when we feel we haven't much in the way of abilities or talents to put at the service of the Church and are tempted to feel useless, we should remember that the only thing indispensable for the Church is love. Degrees and diplomas, skills, and activities are all admittedly useful but it is love that counts.
Thank you Therese.
