I've been hit with two new diagnoses. Neither one is life threatening but I've had a hard time dealing with my new eye condition, posterior vitreous detachment. It occurs when the jelly in the eye (vitreous) detaches from the back wall of the eye. It's not going to make me blind. But one of the complications is retinal detachment or tearing which if left untreated can cause vision loss. When I first went to the ophthalmologist I was placed on an activity restriction which forced me to quit my volunteer job at a local pre-school program. (lots of running and jumping). It was a real let down for me.
At one of my follow-ups I inquired about what to do if I had symptoms of retinal tearing, etc. How much time do I have before there's permanent damage?
According to the Nurse, I've 24-48 hours or I could lose my sight. This put me in a real good mood.
Then I found out that my current cancer medication could damage my retina so I decided to see my oncologist to inquire about switching to a different one. It turns out her husband has PVD and when he had retinal detachment symptoms, he waited too long. He now has a partial loss of vision.
This put me into hysteria mode.
I wasn't a happy camper. I vacillated between anxiously analyzing my visions symptoms to ranting at God. Intellectually I knew I was overreacting but I have a flair for the dramatic. My father had this condition and he never went blind. The nurse at my eye doctor had the condition and she seemed okay. But I couldn't accept it.
You'd think after being diagnosed with cancer, a simple eye condition would be no big deal. But I guess the thought of potential blindness just totally unsettled me.
So God sent me a mentor to guide me through this transition. Who did he send?
My pet bird Polly !
Yes, the Lord moves in mysterious ways and he can even use a pet bird to teach one of his followers a lesson.
As it turns out my lovebird went blind this year. She's hand tame and comes out of her cage to socialize. She'll eat out of my hand, bathe in the sink, and explore all over the house.
But this winter she started changing.
Most of the time she can't wait to come out of her cage. She usually hops happily onto my finger and is raring to go. But suddenly she refused to come out. When I'd open the cage door she'd lunge at me aggressively. My perky little pet became a nasty little varmint. Even trying to change her food and water become an ordeal. I took her to the vet who didn't really have much advice except "don't let her fly!" So I decided to treat her like one of my patients. (I used to be a nurse) What would I do for a blind person?
- I'd rearrange her cage so everything was on the same level and she didn't need to climb
- I started touching her when I'd give verbal commands so knew where to step
- When placing her back in the cage I put her directly onto her perch instead of making her have to jump to it (she can't see where it is)
Somehow by helping my bird I helped myself. By going through this situation I was able to come to terms with my own potential limitations. I'm learning to let go of having a perfect functioning body. I can still have a meaningful life and be broken. Every medical problem isn't a catastrophe.
But most importantly, I need to remember I'm not in charge.
Each time a new medical issue crops up I'm given the chance to relearn the lesson. I cycle through the usual gamut of emotions but I hope to get better at it. Obviously some situations are easier than others but I think this is what God wants for me. If I can get past the anger and fear and keep praying, I'll be in a better place after the crisis passes. Each time I surrender and offer up my suffering I've got the chance for growth. I can also find meaning.
God can use the most mundane things(like pets) to help his children.
